If your marriage is in troubleó
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Keep a journal in
a safe place where she canít find it. Log any fights or arguments. If she
writes you a "Dear John" letter, save it. It could be important evidence
KEEP PERTINENT DOCUMENTS SAFE. Go through all
important papers. Make sure you have copies in a safe place. If she decides
to leave, she will usually try to take everything.
SAVE MONEY. If you havenít started doing so already,
start putting money away in a safe account which she doesnít know about.
Stop Direct Deposit, if you have it; arrange to pick up checks from your
employer personally. (She can deposit them into an account if it bears
both of your names, then turn around and withdraw from the account.) Take
her name off savings accounts and investments.
DONíT GIVE AWAY YOUR RIGHTS OR YOUR STUFF! This
is an emotional time; donít make rash decisions regarding child custody
or division of property. She will try to act like itís her God-given right
to all of these things; DONíT buy into it! DON'T SIGN ANYTHING! See a lawyer
if you are unsure of your rights.
KEEP THE FAITH. You may feel very frustrated
that you canít make your marriage work. Itís NOT ALL YOUR FAULT, though
your spouse will try to make you feel like it is, and later on in life
when you look back, youíll realize this.
DONíT TAKE A BEATING! If she pushes or hits you,
call the police and file a report immediately. If the situation warrants,
get a temporary restraining order against her, making her leave the house.
Sheíll do this to you without thinking twice if she gets the chance, so
you have to beat her to the punch (pardon the expression).
DONíT CONSENT TO HER LEAVING! If she suddenly
decides to move back home to Mom, 2000 miles away, DONíT consent! This
means DONíT sign a separation agreement which allows her to take the kids
away, and if she decides to leave, DONíT agree to pay for a U-Haul truck
and DONíT carry a single box out to that truck! In fact, mail her a notarized
letter letting her know that you do NOT consent to her taking the child
out of the state.
BEWARE OF HER EXPENDITURES! Upon deciding to
leave you, vindictive women often will attempt to screw you over by running
up bills which you will then have to pay. You may want to cancel any charge
cards she has. Also, keep a close eye on her telephone usage--she may run
up huge bills, either to spite you, or to cry to Mom 2000 miles away about
what a terrible man you are.
DON'T LET HER HARASS YOU AT WORK! Some vindictive
wives may attack you at work by complaining to your employer about you
or telephoning you there constantly. DO NOT ALLOW IT! Send her a registered
letter asking her to stop. If she doesn't, go to court and ask for a restraining
BEWARE OF HER OUTSIDE INFLUENCES! If your wife
has friends or family who don't like you, or who have bad relationships,
sometimes they will attempt to poison her against you. As time goes on,
they will "educate" her on ways to screw you over. They will convince her
that she has the right to leave you and take the house, the car, the stereo
and the children, and leave you all the bills. Many times these "friends"
of the wife will singlehandedly ruin a happy marriage. A few telltale signs
of "outside influences":
You may be able to save your marriage by putting
a stop to this poisoning. A few tips on putting a stop to it:
she spends a lot of time on the phone with people like
she suddenly begins using new words or phrases in conversations
about your relationship
suddenly starts disappearing for long periods of time.
ask them to stop;
tell them anything that your wife has told you about
their situations. They will probably not look kindly on her for "divulging
their secrets", and may force her out of their clique;
in extreme cases, have your phone disconnected, or even
relocate to get her away from these influences.
It may be difficult to even consider some of the
things on these pages. After all, your wife is supposed to be your best
friend, not your worst enemy. However, in hindsight, many divorced Dads
wish that they had known some of these things when their marriages were
beginning to come apart. (I know I wish I had known.) If you fail to act
now, you could be very sorry later.
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